“Night of Horror” - a young man, a mother-to-be, a successful woman and her choices all collide on one fatal night in 2003.   What happened next?

“The next thing I remember is waking up in a hospital bed with my parents looking over me.  I was told I’d been in a crash and killed a 21-year old girl.  I was horrified; there must be some mistake.  I would never ever hurt anyone, I’m a good girl.”

My Life Before the Crash
I had a very normal suburban upbringing, living on a farm with my family.  I had two business management degrees, was hard working and a successful Senior Network Engineer at a prominent local bank.  My life looked perfect from the outside looking in, but I had a void within me that I couldn’t seem to fill.  I tried finding happiness through making more money, success, shopping.  Nothing seemed to work and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me.  I should have been happy but I felt miserable. 

I Told Myself: “I’m Not an Alcoholic”
I eventually turned to alcohol to comfort or forget my pain.  I considered myself a “social drinker,” I even went to an AA meeting to prove it to myself.  Everyone there was smoking, had lost their jobs, and family, and previous lifestyle.  This meeting just convinced me that I didn’t have a drinking problem.  I wasn’t like those people.  I had a great job, made a lot of money, owned my own home, drove a brand new car, paid all my bills, never hid my wine bottles, never drank in the morning, didn’t get drunk every day, and never had withdrawals from alcohol. I could just drink one or two and stop…and on and on with excuses. 

Waking Up in the Hospital
This rationalization was working for me, until June 12, 2003.  On that afternoon I got home from work&had some wine, then I went on a blind date where I continued to drink more wine.  The next thing I remember is waking up in a hospital bed with my parents looking over me.  I was told I’d been in a crash and killed a 21-year old girl.  I was horrified; there must be some mistake.  I would never ever hurt anyone.  For the next several days I still couldn’t comprehend what I had just done.  I wanted to die; I so desperately wanted to be dead because of what I had done.  I later found out that she was pregnant.  So not only did I take away her parents’ only child, but their only grandchild and only chance to become grandparents.  I had taken away this man’s fiancé, and unborn baby.  I hated myself so much and saw no reason for me to be alive.

Rediscovering God
A few days later, I went to the Vineyard Community Church where I met Dana Cochran and my life has not been the same since.  Before that day, I knew God, I knew who He was, what He did for us.  I had prayed to Him occasionally and always asked forgiveness after I’d screwed up.  I would promise Him I would NEVER ever get drunk again (until next time).  But this conversation with Dana was different.  She prayed for my victims’ family.  She told me that God didn’t want me to kill myself, that He did still have a purpose for my life.  That He could still use me and I wasn’t this insignificant blob that I thought I was.   

My Time in Prison with God
I went to prison and God transformed me while I was there.  I no longer just knew of God – I had developed a personal relationship with Jesus Christ that I’d never known was possible.  He changed me in so many ways. I see now that He had to take every material thing away from me in order to humble me and give me the time, energy and focus to devote to Him, to get to know Him and build our relationship.

Finding Sanctuary at Christian Inn Ministries
When I was released from prison, I chose to go to Christian Inn Ministries (CIM) instead of going home with my parents.  As I said, my family were wonderful people and very supportive, but they were not Christians, I didn’t want to be surrounded by their unbelief, and I didn’t know how to live my life for God outside the prison walls.  I was petrified of returning to the selfish and materialistic person I used to be.  Returning to society was much harder than I’d expected.  I really didn’t think I’d have a problem; I had been a productive member of society before I went to prison, so I wouldn’t have to learn that for the first time.  I was so wrong.  It was very difficult to readjust to the world, and I had a supportive family, friends, three degrees, and a job history with great recommendations …  I couldn’t even imagine what it is like for women with no family, no job history, no education, nowhere safe to go, only knowing their former ways of survival. It boggles my mind and breaks my heart. 

Being Blessed Beyond Words by God
I began volunteering at the CIM.  They had a resale furniture shop in Woodlawn that is used to help women coming out of prison.  Being at the store helped me feel useful again.   The feeling of God’s presence was overwhelming at the shop.  I loved it and I wanted to be there all the time.  I started renting a room at another location, but continued to volunteer at CIM while I searched for a job.  But I could not find a single job that felt right.  I prayed that God would open the door to wherever He wanted me to be and close the doors where He didn’t want me.  I no longer wanted things to go MY way, but His because I always messed it up when I forced things my way.  CIM felt right, and then three other pastors confirmed that I should stay in ministry and stay at CIM.  God opened a door for me to work at CIM even though the store had never paid an employee.  It felt so right and I knew I was in His will.  It was then I was offered my old job back at the bank.  It was easy for me to say “no” because I knew I was where God wanted me at that time. God showed me I’d made the right choice.  When I made the decision to choose Him over money, he blessed me beyond words. 

He has shown me so many miracles since I accepted Him and gave Him permission to direct my life.  I am happier than I’ve ever been in my entire life.  Even though I no longer have the material possessions, the career, success, drivers license or money that I use to, I now have a relationship with God and He has provided ALL my needs and has filled that void that was always empty, waiting for Him.